Monday, May 16, 2011

for future reference...

this blog is dedicated to ol' Jeff Probst, Mark Burnett & Lynne Spillman and anyone else associated with Survivor. relax folks, i'm not bashing you, I'm just, as a fan, pleading to you! I'm a HUGE fan of the show. I have been since day one...

ahh day one. Remember the days? the great wheel of food that gave poor little elisabeth a snickers, that forced vegetarian Kimmy to eat a sea slug. The challenges that made Roger jump off a cliff in a crocodile infested waters that he couldn't even swim in. The cast like Tina who would go out on a limb, literally, above raging flood waters just to salvage her food. The days of interesting cast members who would drain their water out of elephant dung just to drink it, who would strip naked for peanut butter & chocolate. The seasons where you had to build a wall of thorns and couldn't sleep from fear of becoming food for the lions. That great moment of television where you witnessed them eat a rat for the first time and the only extra food they got was a can of dog food (cruel, cbs, that was cruel) Back when the major twist wasn't really game changing but more entertaining. A male vs female tribe.. nothing silly like a redemption island or a repeated over the top number of hidden immunity idols. Back when there was more than just one person per season who understood the game and knew what it took to win, where you was on the edge of your seat each week and nothing was predictable.. yeah those days.

IF, and i hope you don't, but IF you must have twists like Redemption Island. IF you just absolutely have to bring back a survivor for the third time in 4 seasons... bring back people who are interesting. bring back unpredictable. bring back entertainment. Now don't get me wrong, i love Russel, he's one of my favorites, but once you've seen him play once, you've seen play a million times. It was great watching him pull the wool over the eyes of newbies and then once again with the vets in HvV but its lame now. lets not bring him back. If you want to pit the best against the best, put two people against each other that we want to see. Jenna vs Ethan. They both deserve that second chance. Jenna's 2nd shot was cut short and with everything Ethan has been through you can't really blame her for turning down HvV, but he's on the mend (thank God) why not put the two of them against each other as team captains? Sash vs Brenda! from the F3 in Nicaragua, Sash deserved it! Brenda deserved her 2nd chance.. Why not those two as team captains? Erik vs JT.. both made HUGE blunders their season why not give them a shot for redemption. Heck I wouldn't even mind seeing a battle of wit & sarcasm between Courtney & Tyson.. doubtful that will happen but it will be more entertaining than Rob vs Russell.

Probst, I understand you're smitten kitten with Boston Rob, but admit it dude. He failed miserably in S4. He outwitted Lex, Big Tom, Shii Ann in All Stars (congrats? i think...) Parvati & Russell chewed him up and ate him alive in HvV, and he outwitted a bunch of recruits who didn't know the first thing about the show on last nights finale... (and spare me, you have a better shot at convincing me Sandra is a deserving winner than you do at trying to tell me that whole cast of RI had ever watched a single episode of the show prior to being cast) As a fan, yes Natalie is nice to look at in a bikini but for every Natalie i'm sure there's a Parvati. Someone whose nice to look at AND fun to watch! I think I speak for all fans when I say give us a Sue, give us a Tina, a KY Joe, a Kathy, a Cirie!! When divided by age Jane had a chance, had it been a no twist season she would have been just like Sandy Burgin and out a forgettable 4th. WE LOVE PEOPLE WE CAN RELATE TO! Its people like KY Joe that turn people like Purple Kelly into people like Elisabeth! If the cast is diverse, if there's no lame twist, the bland become sweet. they become innocent. they become lovable and so they fall into the mix and fit perfectly. But when you have 1 Richard Hatch to 17 Kelly Sharbaugh's... its kind of impossible to make a good season out of it.... regardless of how many Coach & Phillips you can throw into the mix!

Basically, if you're going to ruin a good thing with a lame twist, atleast give us someone to root for!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Worst Season EVER

..... and just an FYI, when you read the "ever" at the end you have to say it as an echo repeating in a large tunnel of doom otherwise you don't get the full effect.

I've watched Survivor religiously since I was just a wee little tot. My grandma used to make me watch the Rosie O'Donnell show with her back in the day (hey, she did have pretty cool desks there for a while, remember the hamster wheel desk? anyone? anyone? no.. ) and I remember her talking about this show called Survivor that was coming on. Back then it was on Wednesdays too, and I decided to tune in. Stacy Stillman ate this larvae bug and I was like "HOLY Sh%!" (yes, it was edited like that too! I was only like 10!) and I've been hooked ever since. (althought I am glad her & Bryant Gumball stopped doing the reunion shows) I remember my freshman year at MSU I even selected my classes around the show. Thursdays were full of parties on campus, but not for me. I was in my dorm on the bottom bunk watching Survivor.

I think its no secret I'm not a fan of Boston Rob. I never have been, never will be. I don't understand the hype around him. He sucks. (read my past blogs) He's a little whinesack suckbaby who cries until he gets his way who for some unknown reason the world thinks he's this big genius because he outwitted Lex in season 8. (btw, if you can't outwit Lex, i'm sorry) So when I seen that Redemption Island was pitting two of the best Survivor's to ever play the game against each other I was all like SWEET BABY JESUS!!! Whose it gonna be? Russell? Stephenie? Parvati? Todd? Yul? Sash? Brenda? Holly? so you can imagine the heartbreak when womp womp wommmmmmmppp it was Rob. The only outwitting this dumb sonuvabitch has done was outwitting Jeff Probst to give him a bottle of water in Heroes vs Villains! Probst has a major hard on for the guy. I tuned into episode one and saw this shitfest and I just couldn't take it anymore. For the first time in 10 years I haven't watched the show. Which leads me to the point of my blog...

This is the worst season ever. The twist is lame. The cast is lame. The whole concept of Rob being considered one of the greatest is lame... We've had some pretty sketchy things happen over the past 11 years, but this one has topped them all. So since I haven't blogged this season (because I haven't watched it) I decided to to write one last blog with the finale being this weekend and rank the seasons. (btw, based on my original cast assessments in my first blog pre-season, 2 of my picks are at the end)

BEST TO WORST:

1.)Heroes vs Villains
2.)Australia
3.)Africa
4.)Tocantins
5.)Nicaragua
6.)Amazon
7.)Borneo
8.)China
9.)Micronesia
10.)Pearl Islands
11.)Gabon
12.)Panama
13.)Guatemala
14.)Cook Islands
15.)All Stars
16.)Vanuatu
17.)Marquesas
18.)Palau
19.)Samoa
20.)Thailand
21.)Fiji
22.)Redemption Island